Written by: Erin Voith, Registered Clinical Counsellor at Peak Resilience
Book a session with me | erin.voith.counselling@gmail.com
Attachment Theory is well referenced within pop psychology, and there are many online articles outlining the various attachment styles. Overwhelmingly, the dissemination of research and information is fantastic! However, it can sometimes lead to imprecise conversations, or ones lacking nuance. Here I hope to simplify and clarify a few important aspects of Attachment Theory.
The development of Attachment Theory began in the 1950’s and 1960’s, led by John Bowlby. Bowlby proposed that humans are born with an innate and evolutionarily adaptive “attachment behavioural system”. Essentially, when an infant is in distress (frightened, cold, hungry), they are unable to meet their own needs. Instead, their attachment behavioural system becomes activated and initiates “proximity seeking behaviours” (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2016). These behaviours can involve emotional displays such as fear, sadness, or anger, as well as reaching for or moving towards the caregiver. Ideally, the caregiver notices these “bids”, attends to the child’s needs, and resolves their distress. As we are a social species, we rely on others for survival throughout our lives. Therefore, the attachment behavioural system is active in adults too, although what causes distress and how we manage becomes more complex and varied (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2016). What’s important is that our early experiences of receiving care influence how the system functions and how we learn to get our needs met, which gives rise to the different attachment styles.
Someone with an anxious attachment style typically grew up in an environment where caregivers were inconsistently available. For a wide range of reasons, the caregiver failed to reliably meet the child’s needs. The child’s best strategy to cope in this unpredictable environment was to hyperactivate their bids for care (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2016). If the child amps up their efforts to get attention, caregiver’s will more consistently meet their needs. Clever, no?
Avoidant attachment develops in environments where caregivers were typically unavailable. The caregiver may have been misattuned to the child’s needs, or they may have been actively rejecting or critical of the child’s bids for attention (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2016). The most adaptive way for a child to manage in this environment was to deactivate their attachment system – to learn to dismiss their own needs and suppress their natural inclination to turn to caregivers for help.
A fearful avoidant or disorganized attachment style develops in an environment where the caregiver was a source of security and simultaneously a source of fear (Brown and Elliot, 2016). This is often the case if a caregiver was abusive, but not exclusively. For example, if a caregiver was ill or under immense stress, their behavior or emotional expressions may still have been frightening for a young child. In these environments, the child is conflicted between seeking and avoiding strategies. They struggle to develop a coherent attachment strategy, and vacillate between anxious and avoidant behaviours.
Lastly, someone with a secure attachment style grew up with caregivers who were attuned to their needs, and met them consistently. These children did not need to strategize to have their needs met. They expressed themselves openly and were soothed reliably. Having been soothed, they were able to move through emotional experiences, and turn their attention to play and exploration (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2016).
It is important to note that attachment styles refer to patterns of behavior (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2016), not categorically distinct types. This means you can demonstrate patterns, or traits, across the four attachment styles. Furthermore, these traits are not fixed, but can change and adapt over the course of one’s life, or even between various current relationships. These subtleties might help explain if you have struggled to fully identify with one attachment style. Rather than trying to categorize yourself, it can be more useful to get to know your own unique patterning and the circumstances that activate it. If you are interested in learning more about the inner workings of each of these attachment styles, please continue to the next article!
If you want to chat more, feel free to book a free 15 minute phone consultation with me.
Or email me: erin.voith.counselling@gmail.com
References:
Brown, D., & Elliott, D.S. (2016). Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive
Repair. W.W. Norton and Company.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd
ed.). Guilford Press.
