Written by: Emily Potts , Registered Clinical Counsellor at Peak Resilience
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You’re So Good at Taking Care of Everyone Else—But Who’s Taking Care of You?
It’s 11 PM and you’re finally sitting down, scrolling through your phone, too tired to do anything but too wired to sleep—and you realize you haven’t thought about what you needed all day. You checked in on that friend, listened to your sibling, called your parent, and handled the crisis. And somehow, you’re the one who feels guilty for not doing more.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
A caregiver is someone who provides physical and/or psychological care for another person (Cleveland Clinic, 2023). But caretakers can sometimes be a little more nuanced than the classic representations we see in the media. Maybe you are someone who has built your life around showing up for others. It’s not just what you do—it’s who you are. The friend who always picks up the phone. The “go-to” person when there’s a problem. The one who can hold space for anyone’s pain but feels uncomfortable sitting with your own.
And here’s the thing – caring for others genuinely feels good. It creates connection, purpose, meaning. So why does it feel so impossible to turn even a small amount of that care toward yourself?
Maybe it’s because you learned early on that your worth comes from what you give. That taking time for yourself is selfish. That other people’s needs are always more urgent than your own. These beliefs didn’t come from nowhere—they were taught, modeled, reinforced until they became the background hum of your life (Himmelweit & Plomien, 2014).
But the reality is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You know that oxygen mask metaphor you constantly hear on planes? It exists for a reason. When you’re depleted, the care you give becomes unsustainable and sometimes even impossible —for you and for the people you love.
What if caring for yourself wasn’t selfish, but necessary? What if you could show up for others and for yourself, without the constant guilt or exhaustion?
So where do you start?
- Connect with a therapist – With the right framework and guidance, you can start to understand how these patterns started, what they’re costing you now, and how to build a life where care flows in more than one direction.
- Community care vs. self care – A face mask and bath can feel incredible, but when burnout and compassion fatigue become overwhelming, we need the support of others and community environments to lift us up and out of the clouds.
- Quality over quantity – check in with yourself to see if you are being spread too thin. Helping others is important, but how many balls you are juggling may lead to more overwhelm than support.
You don’t have to choose between being there for others and being there for yourself—but you do have to learn that you’re worth caring for, too.
Let’s Work Together
Feeling like you could use a little support right now? You don’t have to carry all of this alone.
Click here to book a session with me or reach out by email: info@emilypotts.ca
References
Cleveland Clinic. (2023, August 16). Caregiver burnout. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9225-caregiver-burnout
Himmelweit, S., & Plomien, A. (2014). Feminist Perspectives on Care: Theory, Practice and Policy. The SAGE Handbook of Feminist Theory, 446–464. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781473909502.n26
